grand theft otter


militant homosexual

I don’t remember this episode of Breaking Bad

(Source: frostingpeetaswounds, via musical-thoughts)

6 Things to Say if Your Friend Tells You They were Raped (trigger warning)

pleasurepie:

You want to show your support and say the right thing, but sometimes it’s hard to know what will help and what will be triggering.

Here are 5 ideas for the right things to say from a survivor who has had dozens of these conversations.

1. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” Simple as that. It’s the “I’m sorry for your loss” of the rape conversation. It doesn’t matter if everyone else saying it too. It’s validating, sensitive, and it shows that you’re taking your friend seriously and that you’re on their side. If you’re not that close with your friend, you can stop here.

2. “How are you doing?” Acknowledge that your friend is probably in a healing process, and that self care is especially important for them right now. Also point out that there are places for them to get help with this process. If you don’t know resources offhand, offer to look into free/affordable counseling services and/or support groups, ideally specific to sexual assault survivors. If they’re not interested, let it go. If they are, research it later and remember to get back to them! Following up is a great supportive gesture.

3. “What he/she/they did to you is not okay.” It seems obvious, but it’s really important for your friend to hear. Even if they seem like they know it already. Explicitly confirming that they were mistreated is validating and it helps to combat any shame they might be feeling.

4. “Is there a chance of pregnancy or STIs?” While it isn’t normally your place to take charge of your friend’s health, they might be overwhelmed by the trauma, so ignoring the health risks of sexual assault might feel like the easiest option right now. If they’re not seeking treatment for any possible health risks or unwanted pregnancy, it could be really helpful for you to be the annoying, pushy friend who won’t leave them alone until they do.

FYI:

  • Your friend is at risk for STIs if the assault consisted of any kind of unprotected vaginal, oral, or anal sex, or exchange of body fluids (other than just saliva exchanged with saliva).
  • Your friend is at risk for pregnancy if the assault was a heterosexual situation and semen got anywhere near a vagina (without a properly used condom).
  • There are actually some good options for greatly reducing these risks. Read 4 things you can do to help your friend take care of their health after a sexual assault.

Keep in mind that asking for recaps of the mechanics of what happened during the rape can be triggering, so be extra sensitive and warm in your approach to these questions. You can preface them with, “Can I ask you about what happened in terms of how it could affect your health?”

5. “I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.” Make it clear that they are welcome to trudge through every detail with you, or not share any details at all. But only say this if it’s true.

6. “In the future, is it okay if I ask you how you’re doing in regard to this? Or would you rather I wait for you to bring it up?” Your friend might want to talk about this with you in the future (i.e. the next time you talk), but if they’re the only one who ever brings it up they might feel awkward and think you’re sick of hearing about it. Or they might not be ready to talk about it more yet. Ask them to find out how you can continue to support them on their terms.

Other Tips:

  • Avoid freaking out when your friend discloses this to you. Don’t put your friend in a place to comfort you. You can freak out to someone else later if you need to. Right now, you can tell your friend how you feel calmly, and keep the focus on their feelings and experience.
  • This whole conversation doesn’t have to be solemn. Gauge your friend’s disposition. You should probably be serious while they’re disclosing that the assault happened, but you might be able to goof around (not about the rape) after that part. Your friend might be having this same conversation with a lot of their friends, and maybe they’re sick of every fun hang out being ruined by this heavy topic. Or, on the other hand, maybe they’re mourning and they’re not in the mood to laugh. If you can’t tell, you can ask.
  • Be gentle. Go out of your way to make it extra clear that you’re not putting blame on them, that you trust their account of what happened, and that you want to support them.
  • Focus on their strengths. A comment like, “You’re handling this really well,” “I’m impressed with how strong* you’re being,” or “Thanks for sharing this with me” can mean a lot at a time like this.
  • Use the words that your friend is using. If they’re not calling the incident rape, don’t casually refer to it as rape. You can, however, tell them that what happened to them constitutes rape (if it does). But don’t pressure them to call it that if they don’t want to.
  • You don’t have to be perfect. You might accidentally say something that is triggering for them. If so, apologize and take note of what triggered them, so you can be careful around that topic in the future. The best you can do is to approach the conversation with a focus on gentleness, support, trust in your friend, being non-judgmental, and prioritizing their feelings** and experience.

*If you’re going to call your friend strong, you might want to mention that it’s okay for them to be weak too. Sometimes if everyone is telling you how strong you are, showing your weakness, vulnerability, or pain can feel like letting them down. But its still nice to hear that people think you’re strong. :)

**They might not be clear on what their feelings are, or they might be in shock and not have any feelings about it yet (even if it’s been a while since the traumatic incident). These are both okay. Be supportive of your friend wherever they are in their healing process.

acacophony:

iwriteaboutfeminism:

Police continue to make arrests at Ferguson protest.

Part 4.

Take note: The moment people stopped reblogging and tweeting and writing news articles and calling attention to Ferguson, they brought back the armored cars. It is not over. They were waiting for the world to lose interest and knew it would.

(via thefuuuucomics)

intrepid-hallucinations:

hooks-and-chains:

avianawareness:

asgardandbeyond:

giraffepoliceforce:

altering-cave:

So I don’t think those free condoms universities hand out suck as much as guys say they do.

Okay, but seriously. If you’re ever considering sexy times with a guy and he tells you that he can’t wear a condom there is a 100.3% chance that he is a liar, and you should definitely not have sex with him. Don’t have sex with liars. Have sex with a cute honest people that bring you ice cream the next morning. Liars do not bring you ice cream. And if they do it’s ice cream made of lies. Ice cream made of lies is very emotionally unfulfilling. Don’t trust liars or their disease-ridden ice cream.

that was the best safe-sex talk ever.

Why I am suspicious of those who say they got pregnant because a condom “broke”… 

HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER USED A CONDOM. HAVE ANY OF YOU HAD SEX YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CONDOMS. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m sick of this shit. Just because a condom has a tensile force high enough to withstand inflation does not mean it can comfortably fit any penis. No one wants latex literally stretched against a boner like it is in this pic. A condom that is too small causes added friction which can lead to the condom tearing. If someone tells you it is too small, you LISTEN. YOU DO NOT HAVE RAW SEX WITH THEM. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING. YOU GO BUY A MAGNUM. There are even sizes above that. SO NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO SAY THAT A PERSON CANNOT WEAR ANY CONDOMS BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT FIT IN CERTAIN SIZES. And whoever the fuck said they don’t believe condoms break is literally fucking stupid as hell. You didn’t even try to think you slut shaming ignorant ass. Condoms do not break from things not fitting in them. They break due to frictional forces without sufficient lubricant and air bubbles trapped in the reservoir tip that push through the latex upon ejaculation. Proper application requires that the tip be pinched to remove this air while it is rolled down the shaft. Very few people know this due to the rampant lack of appropriate sex ed. Proper condom application technique and education is crucial to effective birth control and STI protection. So before you go spouting your ignorant crap, how bout you think about your penised partner and the overall function of a condom and try to spread real education rather than shaming people.

Thank you for articulating what most cannot even comprehend. <3

(Source: wiggllytuff, via jennifertiffany)

This is why I stopped talking to people. UGH

http://redwrenwalking.tumblr.com/post/97727410448/lilkeycharm-dear-pan-and-ace-people-fckh8

lilkeycharm:

Dear pan and ace people,

Fckh8 have said they’re going to bring out products for pan and ace people in light of this summer’s giant fuckup.

PLEASE DON’T BUY THEM.

FCKH8 have a long history of being a horrible organisation, focussed solely on cis gays and lesbians (and maybe…

(via goshdarnbisexuals)

my head hurts so bad I can’t see and I hate you for texting me that

Why am I so sad today

eggsquad:

Literally my math teacher abandoned today’s lesson because some kid brought his kitten to school i don’t even know

(via musical-thoughts)